I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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