we made out on top of his cat.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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