Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
