You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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