Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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