Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
