just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You're like the curious george of whores
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
