i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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