i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
