I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
