Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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