Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
