K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Randomize
