Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
