this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
