Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
