there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
