he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
