you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
