Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
