I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
