Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
