Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
