so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Who died my cat blue again?
there is puke in my bra ... again
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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