we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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