fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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