when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
