very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
