with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I will be naked everywhere
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
