And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
