wake up i wanna do it froggy style
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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