i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
