his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
