What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
