im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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