last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
