the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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