How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
