you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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