I accidentally had phone sex last night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
