sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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