this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
