I can't watch pbs sober anymore
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
