I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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