It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
