So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
