Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
third nipple confirmed
Randomize
