If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
