I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
not ubering you a puppy
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
