God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
