I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
