he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
