that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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