I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
