It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
